Bitter Ends
by Lidsworth
Summary: Mordred loves Merlin...yes Merlin distrust him, and loves Arthur. The knowledge of this destroys the Druid inside, until he finds comfort in a person he least expected. But for Mordred, happiness never lasts forever, and he finds himself feeling just as alone as he had years ago, but this time, no one offers a helping hand. He slowly self destructs. slash
1. A Friendship Begins

**AN: So after reading a series of pairing having to do with Mordred and Merlin, than Mordred and Arthur, I came up with this idea that had been irking me since last night, and plus, i've always wanted to write a story with Mordred and Gwen as friends. The two hardly ever communicate, so, I wanted to work a bit with that. Anyway, this story isn't going to be very long, but it's going to be a bit sad, if you're a Merthur fan, then you'll like it. But, if you feel for Mordred, than this story may be tough for you to read, as his life goes into a rollercoaster of emotions.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin (if I did, Mordred wouldn't go evil, and Gwen would be cooler than she is and less annoying) 

**Bitter Ends**

Chapter One: A Friendship Begins  
  
The moon rose high above in the sky of Camelot illuminating rooftops and the great castle that stood before it's rays. Many peasants were in their homes preparing for a small dinner, as the curfew was already in place, while many members of the palace, servants and nobles alike prepared for the large feast celebrated by the king and his court. No doubt that the king's manservant was preparing him for the feast, as that was the job of the manservant. Many would be there, perhaps the whole court. The Knights of the Roundtable would be there as well, as it was their obligation to their king.

Unfortunately, this was the part about being a knight that the young Mordred dreaded. As he prepared himself for his meal, dressing in his chainmail and fastening his cape, being careful to cover the triskelion on his arm, he reminded himself that life wasn't fair, it was never fair for someone like him.

He was a druid, and naturally, many members of the court (the ones who knew what he was) treated him with distrust and caution. He hadn't even done anything to them, any of them, but they treated him like garbage at times despite his title.

Sir Mordred, he thought to himself as he looked at himself one more time, and exited his chambers making his way to the dining hall, Sir Mordred my ass, titles mean nothing, i'm just dirt to some of these people. And as if his "cursed blood" wasn't bad enough, there was Merlin! Merlin who he'd fallen in love with instantly, the one who Mordred understood and was just like him, the one who Mordred would do anything for, yet completely hated him.

And, that wasn't even the worst part. What Mordred couldn't fathom, what continued to torment him when he tried to think of Emrys as his own was that Merlin was in love with the King, and the King with him. Yet, there was Queen Guinevere.

Mordred's fist clenched angrily, and he felt rage building up in his veins in the form of magic. He was denied many things in life, and it just wasn't fair. He turned a corridor quickly, fist still balled and angry tears burning in his eyes. His rage only ignited more when he saw the two some feet ahead of him, walking to the they never touched, Mordred could hear their laughter, practically feel the closeness they shared, and he knew of it for a fact. Weeks before, he'd accidentally walked in on the couple whilst searching for the King. They were well hidden, Mordred could just sense Merlin's magic. They were never meant to be found.

They were in an a room in the tavern, other's too drunk to realize who they were. And when Mordred had pick locked their door (why would he?), both had been interlocked in the act of passion, all clothes were discarded, and moans of the other's name could be heard throughout the room. Mordred felt like crying when he ran away, undetected and back to his chambers in the castle.

Now, however, things were different.

Mordred quickly darted behind the corner, hiding his presence the best he could, but the rage continued to eat away at him, all of it in the form of magic and all directed towards the King. It would be so easy to kill him, with a break of a neck or suffocation, he had the power and he knew the spell, he just had to do it...

"Cute couple, are they not?" Mordred jumped, his magic evaporating at the person standing behind him. Brown hair was covered in a dark red hood, and dark skin was shadowed obscuring the view of the woman. But those eyes were all too familiar to him, and Mordred knew it was his Queen he was talking too.

"My La_" Gwen brought a finger to the stunned knight's lips and smiled. He wondered if she knew how intimate the two were, or if she was simply just joking like she usually did. They both looked at the couple, and both seemed to sigh when they had turned the corner and continued on to the feast.

"You can call me Gwen if it pleases you," she said politely, removing her finger and then adjusting her cloak, Mordred also took note of a small key wrapped around her neck with string. He tilted his head in confusion, "My La_..Gwen, are you not attending the feast tonight?"

She smiled, a sad smile, "I fear not, Mordred, as my presence isn't needed to please the King anymore, "so, he assumed that she did know, "I've told Arthur that i'm sick and need some fresh air down in the common area...You could come with me if you'd like. We could talk."

Mordred stopped and considered. Perhaps he needed to let all of his emotions out and tell someone. She was the Queen, but she was slowly opening up to him and slowly becoming his friend. He was so guarded all the time that he's usually pushed friends away. He needed the company anyway, and who could punish him for simply escorting his queen through Camelot.

"Yes, My..Gwen, i think I'll go with you," he said, happily, "just let me go fetch my cloak."

And so the friendship with the servant Queen and the druid Knight began.****

So, I wanted to get this done very quickly so I proofed it myself. This is just the first chapter, so, you really don't get into that much. I will probably add some flashback scenes with Arthur and Merlin, and what Mordred emotionally went through, Hope you liked this chapter, please review, God bless!


	2. Promise

**a/n: So, just to make things clear, this isn't romance between Gwen and Mordred. I could never see that :P This is just a friendship between the two. *hint hint* It won't last long. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and i'll try to add Merlin and Arthur in the next one. PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin. **

**Promise **

They went to the Queen's old home, and behind it was the blacksmith's shop. Mordred had never been here before. Ever since he first stepped foot in Camelot, he'd only ever been in the Royal Palace, and only ventured to the common area when he was patrolling, which wasn't frequently.

The key she had was the key to her old home, and Mordred thought that perhaps it was sentimental as well.

She held the door open for him, and as many gentlemen do, he reversed it and held open for her.

"Thank you Mordred, you have such excellent manners," she began as she lit the candle on the table, "you're very kind."

He looked at the candle, it was spilled over with solid wax, and the small flame illuminated many others that were like that one. Mordred realized something than, something that they both had in common. Gwen came here often, and obviously she came here when she was lonely.

The two had that on check.

"Please do take a seat Mordred," Gwen said as she pulled out a chair. Mordred smiled and sat down, his eyes staring into the dancing flame. As she took her seat, Gwen looked at him and took note on how his eyes illuminated like that of a warlock's. He was a druid, so, perhaps he had magic, but Gwen chose not to ask if he wasn't comfortable.

But, she needed to get him to open up. She knew he was feeling the same pain she was, the pain of wanting to love one who loved another. She loved Arthur enough so that she didn't tell him she knew of his relationship with his servant. It hurt, and the pain turned into anger whenever she saw her "friend", Merlin, around her husband. She truly didn't want it to turn her into a bitter person, but it slowly began to.

But Mordred loved Merlin, and she could tell, and yet, Merlin resented him.

"Mordred..." the druid's eyes quickly left their gaze from the candle, and into her honey brown eyes.

"Gwen?" he replied, thankful that he'd actually gotten it right. For a while, there was silence, and he knew what was on the tip of her tongue. She had said that she wanted to talk, and now, they were about to talk. And, as much as Mordred wanted to avoid the conversation, he needed to speak.

She sighed, " Do you have feelings for Merlin?" her voice was steady and even, but her eyes were filled with pain and sadness. He paused for a while before answering, should he tell her? Did she know about the Kings relationship with his servant? Could this be a trap. The Queen and Merlin were close friends.

But something about her just seemed so...inviting. And besides he had concluded that they were both in the same boat, so, why not tell her?

"Yes," he said blandly, " I love him very much."

Gwen smiled a sad smile, and the candlelight from the center table illuminated her beautiful features. They made her eyes open up like a book, and he could see the honesty, pain and anguish that had been built up over time.

"And, Merlin, he doesn't return the feelings," she continued, her voice strained and barely above a whisper, "He has them for someone else...that someone else being Arthur." Mordred paused for a while, but nodded in agreement. The truth confirmed by someone else other than himself began to slowly eat away at the young knight. Never had he felt this lost and so unwanted.

He felt hated, and when looking at Gwen, he wondered if she felt the same. He winced when she brought her small hand to his pale one and squeezed it. Slowly, he eased his tension, though he began feeling an all too familiar lump in his throat and hot tears threatening to spill.

"I've cried my tears already," she said sadly, "my eyes are dried up, but you Mordred, you're so young and so pure. Someone like you doesn't deserve this." Mordred had lowered his head, and Gwen took note of his slight trembling. He didn't want her to see him crying, but, it was inevitable. He, however, grasped her hand tighter. And the warmth from the candle began creeping into his saddened and heavy heart.

Mordred brought his free hand to his face as the trembling progressed and his sobs grew louder and louder.

"I..i...love him..s..so much. He ….he hates me!" Mordred managed between sobs, "W..hy? Wh...at did I ever do to him?" Modred began to heave in air due to lack of oxygen. Gwen became worried and attempted to calm him down.

"Oh Mordred," Gwen replied, her voice caring and concerned, "it's a alright and I know what you're feeling. I went through it a while ago, Arthur doesn't know I know about he and Merlin...I love him too much to bring it up, but...but we have each other."

She sounded honest and pure, someone whom Mordred wanted to be around. The crying, however, ensued, as he couldn't stop himself. He wanted to make sure Gwen was telling the truth though, that they would always have each other.

Promise...he said to her through her head, causing her to momentarily pause. He was...however...a druid, she should've seen something like this coming.

"Promise," she replied confidently as Mordred continued to uncontrollably sob. He could not speak, he was choking on sobs and his words would come out wrong. Gwen smiled and took her hand from his, stood up and went around the table and hugged him from behind. He grabbed both of her hands and held them close to him.

She smelled his hair and was rewarded with the smell of all of nature's scents. She could smell pine trees and cedar trees, crisp dirt and fresh grass, she could practically feel the summer breeze breaking upon her.

This was what the touch of a druid could bring to a person who was so centered in their own world; freedom and pureness. Mordred carried this nature upon him, he carried ancient ways and untold stories. Yet, he was letting this situation destroy him. Gwen wouldn't stand for that, not in the least. She would preserve him and all of his innocence, besides, she promised.

The two remained like for a long while, she hugging him, and he grabbing her hands, as they both continued submerging each other in one another's touch. Mordred needed it most though, for he was numb, therefore, he was grateful for the Queen's helping hand.

Time passed, and the candle slowly extinguished, leaving only the moonlight to act as their guide.

"It's about time we head back, is it not?" Gwen asked, receiving a small nod from Mordred. "Here," she said, as Mordred lifted his head, the moonlight revealed his eyes puffed and his cheeks tear stained, "take this key, you can come here whenever you'd like." She removed the key from her neck and placed it around Mordred's, "Think of this house as a safe place, when I can't physically be with you, i'll always be here."

"Thank you, Gwen," Mordred replied, his voice dry and and croak-ish, "I'll treasure it forever." She smiled and helped the knight up. When he stood, he held the door open for her and Gwen removed a spare key from atop of the door frame and locked the door. She then placed the key back upon the frame, and grabbed the young Mordred's hand.

"Thank you, Mordred," she said it joyfully, as if a burden had been lifted off of her, "you have no idea what good you've done for me."

Mordred only smiled, and grasped his friends hand harder. The two walked back to the castle and into their chamber's, their absence both being undetected.

**So, do you like the relationship these two have? Try and remember it, because for Mordred, things only get worse :( Please review, and i'll also try to add a Merlin and Mordred scene in the next chapter. Please review, but thanks for the one who did review and the two who're following it. As of now, i'm writing for you three, but please, review, I wanna hear your thoughts. Also, i'm my own BETA, my personal one is too booked with her stories. So, bear with me please. Hope you liked it, God bless (Homework time!) **


	3. Crumbling

**AN: So thanks for the favs and follows, but please review, i want to hear your thoughts. Anyway, about this chapter, it's called crumbling for a reason. Also, there's a Mordred Merlin scene at the beginning, so, you should all like that, it's the first of many to come. Arthur also has a row with Gwen too, hope you like this chapter**!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin. **

**Crumbling**

Things slowly got better. Mordred found himself skipping dinner more often and spending much of his time with the Queen, and even during the day, he spend long hours with her and followed her wherever she went. Mordred became her personal knight, and therefore, it was his job to protect her when the King couldn't be with her, which was a lot recently. During the day, they often traveled out of the city and into open fields where Mordred could freely practice his magic.

Gwen always sat under a great oak and looked in amazement, and soon, she began writing down things, certain things all centered around magic and events taking place. She never took her writings back to Camelot though, no, she buried them deep in the ground under her tree. Only she and Mordred knew of their location, and the two planned to keep it that way.

Mordred's interactions with Merlin had come to a minimum as well, but, it couldn't always be avoided. Those were the most painful moments of Mordred's life.

ooooo

Gwen and Mordred made their way back to the castle grounds, both laughing and smiling together. Mordred walked the Queen to her chambers, and bowed to her politely, "Good bye, My Lady," he said jokingly, "it's been an honor to spend time with you."

"The honor is mine, Sir Knight," Gwen replied with a curtsy, just as cheekily as he'd done so, "Until next time."

Mordred smiled as the door was closed, and made his way to the armory. He fancied a walk through Camelot, but he didn't need such heavy metal weighing him down in the hot sun. A light white tunic and pants would be cool enough for him to.

When he entered the armory, he hadn't noticed the servant leaning against the wall like he'd done on the day of Mordred's knighting. Mordred fumbled with his cape, a smile drawn on his face from the previous time he'd spent with his Queen.

"Let me help you with that," the atmosphere changed. He wasn't even to the wall where the armor was held when he'd heard the voice. As quickly as it had been warm and friendly, with the harsh voice that called from behind him, it became cold and unwelcoming. Footsteps echoed loudly behind the knight. Mordred gulped as his hands limply fell to his side, and pale hands wrapped around his neck and to the buckles of his cape. He could practically feel the magic of the presence behind him, a dangerous and malicious one.

"Thank you, Merlin," Mordred replied automatically as the cape fell smoothly off of his back, and into the hands of the servant behind him. Merlin placed the cape on the table, and began to work on Mordred's chainmail. Mordred inwardly shuddered as he felt the older man's hands slide over his body and gently slide the chainmail over the boys raised arms.

Just as he lowered his arms, Merlin stared darkly at Mordred, and Mordred felt himself wanting to leave as quickly as he could. He nodded to Merlin and spun on his heels, eager to reach the door.

"You're getting very comfortable with the Queen, are you not?" those words stopped Mordred cold, and slowly, he turned around back towards the Warlock.

"What do you mean?" his throat was tight, but his face expressionless as he looked towards Merlin, his walls slowly began to build back up, "I don't understand_"

"Don't play stupid with me, Mordred," Merlin's tone took the Druid by surprise, and unfortunately, his posture betrayed him, as his face showed puzzlement, "I've seen how you spend time with the Queen, how you look at her. I don't know why you're trying to get close to her, but, I don't like it and neither does Arthur..."

Mordred stared for a while, anger starting to bubble up in his stomach. How dare Merlin accuse him of spending time unwisely with the Queen, had he suspected an affair while he was presently having one with the King himself. Merlin must've seen the anger in Mordred's eyes, because his chattering and accusations stopped midway.

Modred hadn't even realized that he was trembling with anger, his head down and his fist clenched. Mordred could feel tears welling in his eyes, but refused to let them spill, he would never let this...this servant see him cry and especially not over him.

There was silence for a while, and Merlin stared at the mess of curly hair just feet away from him. He could feel the pressure in the room thickening and could see the Druid shaking as a result of some emotion.

It was in an instant, a blink of an eye that Mordred felt a familiar presence rise up in his body and expel itself out of him. At the same time, Merlin flew across the room like a ragdoll and hit the stone wall with a loud, "THUD", weapons and helmets falling on him in a mess.

Mordred continued to let his anger course through him like a rampart fire. Yes, Merlin was stronger, but Mordred was angrier. He pressed his magic on Merlin, preventing him from standing up. Soon, things began to fly aimlessly around the room and the room shook violently. Mordred, however, walked closer to the Warlock sprawled on the floor, his magic getting stronger with each step he took towards Merlin. And, for the first time in a long time, Mordred saw a twinge of fear flash through the Warlock's eyes as he looked up at him from the mess he was under.

The pressure on Merlin receded quickly, and the knight turned quickly on his heels, exiting the room without saying a word.

Mordred ran as soon as he turned the corridor. He ran as fast as he could, passing servants and fellow knights, and occasionally wiping his tearful eyes. He even thought he saw the King.

He felt the key hitting his chest, and immediately knew where he was going. He couldn't take this anymore. He'd thought he'd mended up his broken heart, at least he and Gwen had, but Merlin...Merlin ruined everything. He always did, and Mordred still loved him sick.

As he ran, an angry looking Gwen quickly rounded the corner, missing him by seconds. He didn't see her though, and he was running way too fast for her to catch up. But she knew where he would be going, she hadn't a doubt. She knew something was wrong, very wrong, and she was determined to find out what it was. Besides, after the previous argument she'd just had with Arthur, a little chat with the Druid didn't seem all that bad.

Gwen closed her eyes as she changed her direction, the memory still fresh in her head.****

_The instant Mordred had left Gwen, Arthur had chosen to make his move. _

_"You're very fond of Sir Mordred," Arthur said from his table, "you're even on a first name basis with him." _

_Gwen sighed as she walked over to the bed and collapsed on it, she honestly had no intention of speaking with Arthur. Their conversations had been short and to the point recently, and Gwen knew they were falling apart. _

_"Gwen..." Arthur said from his seat, "what's troubling you?" _

_Gwen sat up and looked at her King through the draped on the bed, thinking of what she could say. Honestly, accusing him of having a relationship with his servant would not turn out well, not at all. "Nothing, My Lord.. ." she called back dryly, "I am tired, that is all." And tired she was, Gwen honestly hadn't been feeling herself lately, perhaps she was coming down with an illness, she'd ask Gaius later. _

_"Is it Sir Mordred, do you have feelings for him," Gwen couldn't believe it...Arthur attempted to sound sad, but she could hear the joy right behind his words, the longing of him wanting her to say yes. _

_She sat there for a while, breathed, and spoke, "No Arthur, I do not, or at least not in the way which you think. Mordred is like a son to me, and I like a mother to him. he was denied this in his childhood, so he looks towards me for help and guidance." _

_There was silence, a prolonged pause, and Arthur spoke again. _

_"Mordred...Merlin doesn't believe he can be trusted," Arthur said rather bluntly, "and as Merlin is my closest friend, I would like to convey to you_" _

_"I'm afraid Merlin is mistaken," Gwen cut Arthur off quickly, her body burning hot as she hid her anger, "Mordred is just as trustworthy as I am to you, he gives us no reason to doubt him."_

_"But I must take precautions," Arthur replied loudly, a bit agitated that Gwen cut him off like that, "It's for the good of the kingdom, it's for our safety and_" _

_"Do not..." Gwen cut him off again, her voice loud and sharp, "Do not lie to me Arthur, do not try. I can see straight through you, and between Mordred and I, you do not seek the good of the kingdom.."_

_She heard Arthur's chair scrape the floor as he stood up and tore the curtains open from the bed, "And what the hell, Guinevere, does that mean?" _

_Gwen stood up from the bed and quickly turned around so she was facing him, so she was facing Arthur. Her anger was boiling now,she couldn't contain it. She refused to act as just a figurehead to him, while he spend nights exploring the body of another. _

_"You don't think I don't know, about you and your...your WHORE Merlin!" she shouted, her voice loud and ringing, "I am not stupid and I will not simply be some piece that you can throw away_" _

_"You know not what you speak of, Guinevere, I..Merlin.." Arthur sounded defeated, as if to say otherwise would dishonor his relationship and love he felt towards Merlin, "I love you Gwen..."_

_Before he could finish, a crash could be heard from the armory, and Arthur's heart skipped a beat as he realized that's where Merlin had gone...to see Mordred! Had Mordred attacked? Had he injured his Warlock? If so, the Druid would pay dearly. _

_"Gwen, let's talk later," he said, his blue eyes darker and his tone sad, and quickly, he ran out of their chambers and into the large corridor, leaving a rather angry and fuming Gwen._ ****

She blew a strand of hair out of her face as she quickly walked to her old house, cloak forgotten in her chambers. She didn't feel like being stopped or questioned, she just needed to talk, and Mordred needed to talk too. They could both confide in each other. Gwen however, didn't brush off the feeling of fatigue she felt in her muscles. Perhaps she was just exhausted, but the fatigue was taking it's toll. She would just see Gaius later, she'd ask for a prescription of some sort, whatever it was could not be that serious.

So, i'm looking at two to three more chapters, and then this is over. Hope you like it, and thanks for the fav, can someone please just review. :( Sad thing, my sister isn't BETA'ing my story anymore. She says i'm annoying and that she'd choose her friends anytime over me. Oh well, I'll keep on writing for people who listen. So, Merlin and Arthur's secret has been brought up to them by Gwen, how will Merlin react? Will Mordred ever be sane again, and what's with Gwen's muscle fatigue? Please, again, review, I really want to hear your thoughts. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, God bless!


	4. Going

**AN: Two more chapters (or one) and we're done! Please review though, I wanna see what you all thought of it! I hope you like this chapter, the end was a bit rushed. Also, new modern day fic coming soon, you can see a bit about it at the end. Hope you like this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin. **

**Going**

Gwen listened to an upset Mordred recount his meeting with Merlin. He laid there, in Gwens old house on her old bed, staring up at the ceiling, eyes watery and voice cracked. Gwen leaned near the window, looking at the high noon sun and grabbing her arms. The anger she'd felt earlier had slowly simmered down, and she didn't want to tell Mordred about her argument between she and the King. She knew it would only unravel the boy more, as he had already been convinced that he was a monster.

"When we get angry, we do things that we tend to regret," Gwen said softly, still staring outside of the window, "we never actually mean them, we just want to make the other person hurt just like they've made us..."

Gwen winced as a wave of pain erupted in her chest and quickly eased down. Her sudden silence had caused Mordred to sit up and stare, "Gwen?" though his voice was still cracked, he sounded very concerned.

"It's nothing," she said faking a smile and turning towards him, "I'm just tired." Though Mordred could see straight through the Queen's lie, but decided not to press on it any further, as she seemed caught in thought.

Nevertheless, he was worried about her, and decided to ask her about it later, when he was feeling alright.

OOOOO

For the reset of the day, Mordred spent much of his time avoiding Merlin. After he and Gwen had arrived at the castle from her old house, the two went their separate ways. Gwen had "queenly" things to attend to, while Mordred was scheduled to patrol the caste. He was to do so until later, and hopefully, Gwaine wouldn't be too drunk to relieve him.

Running into the kings manservant was inevitable though, considering the fact that he wasn't still buried under armor in the armory. He shuddered at the thought though, he could have done some serious damage to Merlin. he could never let his magic get the best of him, not anymore.

He wasn't a monster, Gwen had impaled those words in his head numerous times, he was just angry. And, if he saw Merlin, he vowed to apologize, no matter how painful it may be. He needed to apologize, he needed to get the weight off of his chest. So, as he walked around the castle, he half hoped that the lanky Warlock would make his way around the corner, but unfortunately, he never did.

Mordred became restlestless. Seconds turned to minutes and minutes to hours, and still, Merlin was nowhere to be seen. What if Mordred had dealt him a fatal blow. He nervously twisted his hands in the fabric of his cloak. He needed to find Merlin and apologize to him...He needed to make sure he was okay.

He looked around, Gwaine wouldn't be here for another hour and Modred was stationed in one of the corridors. He sighed, honestly, who's going to attack in the corridors? Mordred's heart was racing. If Merlin was anywhere, it was going to be Gaius' chambers, no doubt that someone had already found him in the Armory, as the noise could be heard all the way from the king's chambers.

Mordred suddenly began running, his heart acting as his map, to Gaius' chambers, fearing completely what he may see. Was Merlin alright, would he see a mess of blood from a headwound? He hoped not, he prayed to the spirits he'd been taught to worship for his whole life, he prayed that Merlin was alright.

His heart was pounding out of his chest when he arrived at the door. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, knowing that whatever was on the other side of the door could very well be his fault.

His fist hovered above the wooden door for a moment, and then, he knocked.

"Just a moment," the old Physician called, his voice frantic and somewhat occupied. Mordred stiffened and braced himself for the image beyond the door. He heard the sound of slow footsteps nearing the door, and the piercing sound of the lock unhinging. When the door opened, Mordred's heart skipped several beats. The image in front of him, the limp and pale figure on the bed caused his blood to freeze, and stiffly, he made his way over to the bed.

ooooo

Gwen had...lied to Mordred when she told him she had a meeting to attend. It was thanks to his foggy conscience that Gwen was able to hide her obvious ailment to him. Ever since they were in her house, the condition worsened. Gwen was aching all over now, and her chest was tightly constricting. She was able to hold her breath until Mordred left and rounded the corridor, but when he was gone, Gwen gasped for oxygen that came in small amounts. She leaned a column for support. She put a hand to her chest and huffed for air, and mentally cursed when little of it came.

Forcing herself off of the column, she began limping and attempting to breath as quickly as she could. She wanted to scream for help, but only a squeal. As best as she could, she began limping towards Gaius' chambers, hoping that she wouldn't blackout before she got there.

Just a few more steps...but she began to see white blotches everywhere.

She could see the door within her view, it was just in arms reach. With one last wheeze, Gwen extended her weak arm, and feebly knocked on the door just before her body crashed.

She felt herself being lifted up and placed on a bed, and she could feel a warm substance being poured down her throat, and slowly loosening her chest. she inhaled a large amount of oxygen, and tried to smile when she felt her chest going up and down.

She heard more clattering through glass and than pages in books turning.

She wanted to thank whoever it was, and she was betting it was Gaius...but, she couldn't. She couldn't even move, her eyes wouldn't even open. Gwen was getting scared now, she was panicking. She felt heavy and numb...at least she was breathing though. She could hear too, and think. She just couldn't move.

She heard a knock from somewhere_A door near her, Remember, you're in Gaius chambers. She could hear Gaius call out to the person knocking, and feebly. She heard him unlock the door and let whoever it was in.

_Gwen..._.? She heard a familiar voice from the depths of her head.

Mordred_, is that you? Is it Gaius' chambers we're in?_ She asked...or thought. She could feel a soft grip on her hand, and could smell the familiar scent of nature that Mordred carried about him. She wanted to smile, but her muscles wouldn't allow it.

_Yes, Gwen, it's me...What's wrong, why can't you move?_ His questioned was rushed and concerned.

_Honestly Mordred, I don't know. I couldn't breath...and well...i blacked out and now I'm here._ She replied, recalling the events from earlier

_Gaius thinks you're in a coma, we don't know what's wrong with you...do you? Did you feel sick or anything?_

_Well, earlier and a few days ago, but I didn't think that much of it. Just body aches and whatnots, I never thought anything of it. _

Silence ensued and Gwen felt a hand pressed over her head, and slowly, she began to drift away.

ooooo

The next day, Gwen woke, weak and unsteady.

Things didn't get better after that, infact, they got worse. Gwen's condition rollar coasters. They didn't know what was wrong with her, nor could they heal it. Mordred continued to stay by her side though, as she spent most of her hours in her chambers.

He only left her side when she would force him to eat or get some fresh air. Or, on small occasions, when the King came to visit her.

"You're looking rather pale today, Mordred," Gwen stated plainly as she turned the pages in her book. It was an early Saturday morning, and while all the knights were off to their training, Mordred was leaned against the wall of the Kings chambers, watching the Queen read a book he had retrieved for her from the library.

it had been over a month since Gwen's collapse. Mordred had started to become numb, having no idea what he would do without Gwen. Gaius had told Arthur and the court that Gwen was going to die, and unfortunately, there was nothing they could do. Mordred still hoped though.

"I'm always this pale, Gwen," Mordred commented, "I hardly ever go out anymore."

Gwen giggled and slowly closed her book, "Do you still have the key?" she asked, looking up at him. Mordred nodded, already feeling the cold metal on his chest.

"The house is yours," she replied, sadly, "it always has been, since we both became friends."

"Gwen, don't_" Mordred was silenced when Gwen quickly brought her hand up.

"Mordred, death is inevitable," she began, her voice deep and smooth, "but love remains, and it comes in many forms. Remember the oak tree," she continued, "all of my writings, there yours too, do what you will with them."

Mordred smiled a sincere smile, "I'm going to miss you Gwen," his voice was soft, " a lot."

Gwen smiled, "As will I you Mordred," she brought a hand to his, "but I will always be with you, remember that. Okay?"

Mordred nodded, "Okay Gwen."

ooooo

Weeks later, Gwen fell into a coma and died. Mordred was there, as was the King and his Servant. Gwen died with Mordred's arms around her, and even afterwards, he refused to let her go. For three hours, he held her body close, crying and screaming, his magic causing the King's chambers to violently shake.

Finally, though, they pried the body from the knight, and had a funeral the next day. Mordred didn't attend, he couldn't. He could not bare to see his friend's body torched in the lake of Avalon, while the King and his Lover started with hidden satisfaction.  
No, instead, Mordred stayed in her old home, his home, because he could feel her love around him. He was there by himself, as the whole kingdom lined the shores of Avalon.

Mordred was angry though, angry that the King acted like he cared. He wanted to make him pay, he wanted to make Merlin pay for everything they had put him and Gwen through. He grasped the key around his neck so hard that it pierced his hand. But, he didn't care, he was angry, and this time, he had no Gwen to calm him down. The love that swirled around the room was frozen cold with his magic, and the pots and candles shook violently.

Mordred... He could hear her calling him and desperately tried to calm himself down. Gwen wouldn't want this, Gwen would be angry with him. He sighed and stood up, staying in this cramped up house wouldn't make anything any better. Gwen's love was here, but Gwen wouldn't be here.

She would be where he shared his magic with her, where the trees whispered those ancient words that she transformed into words. She would be in the old ink and paper, buried under her favorite tree. That's where she would be.

**This stories coming to an end, and then i'll attempt to write a modern day Merlin fic. It involves Gwen as a waitress taking an internship as a psychiatrist while a runaway morgana runs into her and decides to make up a story and move with her. There she meets Gwen's special needs "room-mate" whose incredibly ill and sees the world differently from others. Look for that Thursday or Friday. Two more chapters and this'll be over! God bless. **


End file.
